SAS #003: How to Be Kind to Yourself

Read time: 2.5 min

When was the last time you thought nice things about someone else? Or felt love for a relative?

I bet it was recent.

When was the last time you directed that kindness towards yourself?

Now that's not so easy.

Why can we send affection to others but not ourselves? Other people deserve warm affection.

Your friends show you their troubles and you feel for them.

Why don’t you do the same for the person closest to you? You!

You know yourself better than anyone else on the planet.

You know intimately the mess-ups, the regrets, and missed opportunities. You also know the wins, successes, happy memories, and all the challenges you’ve overcome.

What a complex being you are. One that deserves support. The kind you would give your loved ones.

So what if you made a mistake?! Love anyways. So what you have some “flaws”?

The more you know someone in their glories and struggles, the more you appreciate their personal depth. You see the wonder of their whole self. All their good. And all of their quirks.

You are the same as everyone else.

You have good qualities and things you wish were different, and things you wish you’d done differently. But still, you deserve the affection you would give to the people you love.

The same way you send love to your family members, send it to yourself. When resistant thoughts pop up, notice them neutrally and say to yourself “Oh, okay.” Then, keep on sending love. It will feel like going deeper into yourself.

Here’s my inner dialogue as I do it:

Sending love to myself.

“I don’t deserve this.”

“Oh, okay.” Sending love to myself anyways.

“What are you doing? You’re going ruin everything.”

“Oh, okay.” Sending love anyways.

Deep sigh.

“I’m not perfect,” said happily.

—

It took 3 rounds of:

1. Sending love

2. Hearing my inner resistance

3. Doing my best to keep a neutral mindset

4. Sending love anyways

Then I got through. My perfectionism quirk was resolved.

You deserve the same affection and love you send to your friends and family.

Try it out.

The goal is to see if you can identify the resistance that comes up. And just say “Oh, okay.” And keep on sending love.

This practice isn’t for everyone, so if it feels overwhelming or not effective, no worries.

There are plenty of other practices for you.

You can also do this with someone you trust, for extra support.

Forward this to someone who should read this.

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